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 Star Wars III movie review [Duh, Spoilers] View next topic
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Stealthr4v3r
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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2005 9:12 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm trying to figure out a more clichéd way to show that and I'm coming up blank...
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HyLander42
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:31 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Ok, so Nate and Kerrie tricked me into seeing Episode III, and everyone was right: it's definitely not worse than Episode II. The fight scenes were on several occasions awesome, primarily in the beginning of the film, and most were not painfully slow. And the special effects were spectacular.

That was it. Virtually every other aspect about the movie had us laughing, and I feel sorry for the six other people that were in the theater when we were there:

To begin, we note that George Lucas clearly woke up one morning and said "BUSES! I WANT TWO HOURS OF FLYING BUSES!", and hence that was the main theme of Episode III. How many flying buses are too many? The correct answer is three, but Lucas decided to go TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

Having spent most of his budget on special effects so that the flying buses would be plentiful and detailed, he then decided that there should be lots of fights, because he remembered that he had like three in Episode II, and much of the rest of the money went there, and to paying the salaries of those actors who were still willing to be in his movie.

What remained of the budget was then paid in a lump sum to John Williams, and it must not have been enough because while every single moment of that movie had background music, most of that music was wrong for the scene, or a slow version of his hits from 1977.

Since he had spent the entire budget on millions of flying buses, dozens of actors, a bunch of fight scenes, and John Williams' uncanny ability to insert inappropriate suspense music into every conversation between Padme and Anakin, there was no money left for a script, and so he wrote it himself; this was where his fifth grade command of the English language really began to shine. By the middle of the movie I was ready to join the dark side if they didn't all become mimes soon.


Now some people blame the terrible acting on the script, but I believe that the script alone could not have been responsible, and, in fact, the only logical explanation is that Lucas never showed the script to anyone ahead of time, and every single scene was shot using cue cards. That's the easiest way that you can take a movie starring Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman and make the viewers long for the dialogue of General Hospital.

One of my dozens of favorite examples of a mistake made in the script is the word "youngling". You can't take anyone who uses the word "youngling" seriously, no matter how hard you try. Scenes where the slaughter of a room full of children is discussed fail to convey any sense of emotional weight because a word that was clearly coined by a 3-year-old was used, where if you had even replaced it with the word "goats" it would've been more effective.


Moving on from the script (though we could spend all day there), we find ourselves looking at the story itself. Could the movie have been better if the script had been refined, if the word "feeling" hadn't been terribly abused, and butchered clichés like "If you are not with me, then you are my enemy" had been avoided? Well, the answer is obviously yes, but only marginally at best, and this movie would still only be better than Episode II in comparisons.

The main reason is the most obvious: this movie was supposed to explain why Anakin switched to the Dark Side ®. Instead of doing that, it merely presented a handful of half-believable suggestions, and the decision itself was basically randomly done. There was no stage of convincing, no inner turmoil on Anakin's part, just a list of half-convincing reasons to possibly consider pondering steps towards an initial decision were presented, and then Anakin just switched. It just happened, and you either accepted it and moved on or you didn't accept it, but it wasn't justified. It simply happened.

But there were other reasons that it wasn't the script alone: the characters themselves. Take General Grievous, a name that conveys far more gravity than Lucas delivered: four arms with light sabers are nice, but you really can't convince people to be in awe of an asthmatic droid with a bad accent. This is exactly why nobody has nightmares of C-3PO.

Or Senator Organa, who was interested in adopting a baby girl. A little too interested, like those 40-year-olds that hang out in AOL chat rooms hoping to meet 14-year-old girls. How do you direct Jimmy Smits with this character? "What's my motivation for this scene, George?" "Babies! You want to steal babies!"

Or the Emperor himself, Palpatine/Darth Sidious. He could have been a lot scarier if his voice wasn't changing every 15 seconds. And when he fought, did he need to make additional noises? Nate realized that he's like a guy under a sheet making "woooooo" noises to scare people (probably to the chagrin of our fellow moviegoers).

Or, finally, Darth Vader. The man you paid your $8.50 to see, after the mask is attached and he's raised from the operating table, proceeds to shout (that's right, Rob) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". This was it, this was the moment we've all been waiting for, the moment that made the entire movie worth it, and what do we get? An incredible anticlimax. I wish they had just cut it out and put the scene from Star Trek II where Kirk shouts "KHHHAAAAAANN!" in instead. To make it even less spectacular, John Williams decided to play the correct theme music inappropriately slowly, helping to further destroy the ambience. And let's not even get started on the letdown of the fight scene between Anakin and Obi-Wan, which made me glad that I had stopped taking the movie seriously roughly 2 hours earlier.


So, in conclusion, this movie was awful. It was awful as a real movie, and it was pretty bad as a Star Wars movie. But, most importantly, was it better than Episode II? Yes, because thankfully Lucas set the bar really, really low.

Additionally, I've noticed that a lot of people have commented that they found it to be especially dark. That may be the case, but I honestly haven't laughed so hard in any movie in a very long time, and any film that brings tears of laughter to my eyes can't be all that dark.
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BrianW
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:35 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Also, anyone who thought III was better than VI should be drug out into the street and shot. Seriously.

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Vanblade
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 11:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I'll give Rob a little notice that you plan on doing that...
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BrianW
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Excellent, it's more fun when they try to run.

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Vanblade
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 3:03 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

yeah...I dont plan to see him run...I was thinking more of a siege
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The Yellow Dart
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 3:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Two things:

- At one point in III, they show some of the younger Padawans using the Force to construct their sabers. This clearly shows the components of said saber. There was no real way for its color to change.

- The problem with Grievous was that Lucas was relying on non-movie sources to tell the story behind some of the elements of the movie. He didn't realize that only a select percentage of moviegoers actually paid interest in it. As far as I know, Grievous's first appearance takes place in the first Clone Wars animated DVD. I'm waiting for the second one to come around so that they can tell more of his story.

-> In case you didn't notice in III, Grievous wasn't a droid, as much as a Robocop-esque character. He had "real" eyes, heart, etc. which were shown quite plainly in the movie.

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Stavros
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 9:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The scene that bugs me. Anakins slaughtering the temple Jedi and makes it to the "Younglings". There all like "Master annie save us" , Anakin lights his blade...cut to next scene. This had a chance to make the movie. And no Im not suggesting we get to see anakin hack up the KinderJedi. This is how I would have written it... The main kiddie lights His saber a second or two before Anakin... then cut. This suggests that the kid senses the darkside in Anakin, knows he and the other younglings are going to die but accepts death in combat without fear. Thats Bushido. Thats the Force. That would have made the kid the true opposite of Anakin, and been a real symbol for the whole temple invasion. I yelled "what!" in the theater. I think most people just thought I wanted to see baby gore


Thank god someone jumped on that "mood lightsaber" idea. Jedi use crystals they venture to find. Sith use synthetic crystals, thats why there all red.
Although I have to admit in E.IV during Obi Wan vs Vader, 2 Obi's Sabre starts flikering due to shoddy effects. For a long while I thought it was the force failing him.
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bjciii
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 9:26 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Kids are dumb. They see someone who they trust and learned from. Why would they think they would be slaughtered? Even if one of the kids was gtting the whole "dark side" vibe from him, wouldn't the child just be confused? I mean... unless Anakin gave the kid a failing grade in stasis fields 101 or something...

Stavros wrote:
Although I have to admit in E.IV during Obi Wan vs Vader, 2 Obi's Sabre starts flikering due to shoddy effects. For a long while I thought it was the force failing him.


Me too!!

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HyLander42
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 9:51 am Reply with quoteBack to top

The Yellow Dart wrote:
-> In case you didn't notice in III, Grievous wasn't a droid, as much as a Robocop-esque character. He had "real" eyes, heart, etc. which were shown quite plainly in the movie.


He could have been the archangel Gabriel for all I care: what was important is that when you make any character appear to be an arthritic asthmatic droid with a terrible accent, you undermine your own efforts to make him an effective bad guy.

What impresses me the most about Star Wars, in general, though, as Nate pointed out to me, is the willingness of fans to find extraordinarily contrived explanations for George Lucas's failings as a storyteller.
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Stavros
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Even for someone who has had nightmares about C3P0(specificly about eating C3P"O"s the cereal Embarassed ), general epheseama's charecter quirk still seemed to make him silly. But what he was intended to be( if you can call any thing Lucus does as intention) was a foreshoadow dehuminization of Vader

Quote:
Kids are dumb.
He was a baby jedi for petes sake. Twice as preceptive as the village of the damned or "There is no spoon" kids.
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Miles
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 3:07 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Stavros wrote:

Quote:
Kids are dumb.
He was a baby jedi for petes sake. Twice as preceptive as the village of the damned or "There is no spoon" kids.


What are you talking about? Havn't you noticed? Despite all the hype, jedi generaly seem to be pretty dumb.

"Hey, where did this clone army come from? Oh well, at least it showed up in the nick of time" Rolling Eyes
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Stavros
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 3:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

If the force isnt good enough. The guys eyes went all dark side. That should be in "Defense agaist the Dark Arts 101" The kid knew. Just let him ignite the damned saber.
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jewles
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 9:14 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Miles wrote:
"Hey, where did this clone army come from? Oh well, at least it showed up in the nick of time" Rolling Eyes


That's the real problem with ep 1-3. Lucas turned Jedi from half psychic sages who could still communicate after death into easily manipulated, guilible fools who can't SENSE THE FUCKING DARKSIDE. Only Yoda seems to be able to sense anything wrong with Ani or Palpatine and even then it seems to be only a vague feeling. And don't give me any of that they were being clouded by the dark side crap. Lucas just can't write drama without making everyone come across as an idiot. He ruined the whole mystique of the Jedi and I will never forgive him.</rant>


Who wants to guess how many times I had to use a dictionary on that one?
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maslow
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 9:36 am Reply with quoteBack to top

jewles wrote:


Who wants to guess how many times I had to use a dictionary on that one?



umm, no times I hope.

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