Tidbits

Welcome to my Tidbits page! This is just a place where I’m going to throw all my random weirdness into.

Here are random quotes by people I know:

Xavier: women either want your wallet, your drugs, your dick, or a combination of the above
lilac: Xavier: don’t forget your soul

Derek: it’s got a lot of protein for the small amount that it is..
Kate interupts: maybe yours is.

10/25/00 4:12pm
Bryan B: i always wonder what would my life be like today if i hadnt gotten on IRC in the first place
Bryan B: like
Bryan B: a: iwouldnt be able to typer

10/25/00 6:32pm
Mike M: she apparently gave birth to a baby and two bowls of strawberry oatmeal

10/29/00 7:58pm
Bryan B: i’m gonna hate the internet until it is transparent to oral sex
Bryan B: i want to telecunnilgulate

11/03/00 8:06pm
Kate: i will listen to it on the way to ben’s, make sure it works
Kate: and if it don’t.. well i’ll just run my car into a tree
Derek: Okay, you do that. Actually, could you run it off a bridge? That way you don’t get any debris on the road

11/08/00 6:05pm
lilac: al gore looks HOT in the biker outfit

11/10/00 3:20pm
Mike M: dammit. I wanted to be able to go, “you call that a dick? THIS is a dick. *Thump*”

11/12/00 1:06am
Mike M: how many times do I have to tell myself not to leave the penis lying where it can trip people or yank cords out of the wall

11/28/00 5:09pm
Ben: fark. it’s half up

11/20/00 11:50pm
Daddy to Janice: I love you, but you’re insane.

12/03/00 8:59pm
Derek: Sometimes, banging your head against a brick wall is more fruitful than talking to Ben

12/17/00
Just wanted to wish a happy birthday to the best crackhead on the Internet!

Happy Birthday!

- Jon

01/12/01 12:30am
Kate: I really like to eat at the Canton Inn

01/15/01 11:20pm
lilac: naked as a TIGGERBIRD

01/15/01 11:36pm
tigger: i’m an accountant :(
lilac: tiggers payable, tiggers receivable

01/16/01 10:59pm
lilac: tiggers next film: “Catholic Schoolboys on the Beaches of Delaware” — a documentary.

01/20/01 4:20pm
jimps (4:20:28 PM): I am suffering a form of torture, worse than starvation, suffocation, hanging, and burning to death all in one…
Tigger1fic (4:20:42 PM): cindy’s at work?
jimps (4:20:52 PM): The four kids are watching a Barney Christmas special

01/26/01 6:17pm
Derek (6:16:37 PM): That is pessimistic. You never know. He could be The One. Ummm… I’m bad at this kind of stuff. Just, y’know, remember all that stuff they say in bad sappy movies? Pretend I said that to you

02/07/01 12:07am
The best thing I could do for Tigger would involve some work. First I must take over the world. Once all are at my beck and call(excepting Tigger of course), I would then have to scour the earth, seeking the most beautiful place I could possibly find. Failling to find it, I would simply have to bend the earth to my will, crafting everything to perfection. After the destruction of small countries, treasured national land marks, and what have you, I would take Tigger to this place to share it’s wonder with her. Then I would parade every single person in the world I deem worthy in front of Tigger and have them explain their undying love of her and how amazing she was. Finally, after all has been said and done in honor of Tigger, I would give her the greatest gift of all time… A pony!

I thank you.

03/07/01 1:40am
Lykos: I can’t talk to chicks in person.
Tigger1fic: yes you can
Lykos: I am shy n’ stiff

03/23/01 approx 10:30pm at Border’s
Kate: Oh look, a book called “Diary of Prozak.” That should be boring.

03/25/01
Tigger1fic (11:02:50 PM): my legs hurt! and i don’t know why!
NiPoPo (11:04:27 PM): yeah, my left shoulder hurts
NiPoPo (11:04:50 PM): maybe we were so drunk we had really acrobatic lesbian sex and forgot about it

03/27/01 9:50 pm
animate2: that’s how I imagine you. all pissed and blurry :)

04/02/01
Vyze (11:54:40 AM): stupid daylights saving time
Vyze (11:54:46 AM): my morning wood just arrived.. argh!

04/17/01
Tigger1fic (6:57:27 PM): i miss odie!!!
Derek (7:01:50 PM): Well, I miss blowjobs, but you don’t see me complainin’, do you?!

05/01/01 7:30 pm
Kate: I am tigger. tee eye double gaaah horny.

05/02/01
Jen (4:49:49 PM): you look like the demon bitch from hell
Jen (4:49:53 PM): no offense

05/10/01
kintoen (11:13:33 PM): you dcc like old people fuck

05/27/01
kcochrane: You’re the first person I’ve seen that has Glamour Shots that don’t make them look like EOE-retard-quota whores.

06/04/01 1:15 PM
Duncan: fucking shit bag whore left before I got it in.

06/06/01 11:00 AM
Al: PS – If anyone sings “I fought the law and the law won” around me, you will be punched in the face.

06/11/01 10:00pm
Al: I’m waiting for the right girl. By “right girl” I mean she doesn’t cost too much.

06/29/01 aprox 4:00pm
My Boss: My penis isn’t sweaty!

07/17/01
NaTe (11:05:25 PM): well… it’s not the size, but how you crush small villages with it

09/11/01 12:17 pm
Duncan: This is going to sound bad, but.. at least there won’t be any TRL today.

09/12/01 10:28 pm
lilac:tigger’s not letting a little terroism get in the way of her quest for ass
11/13/01
Jbone (10:39:49 PM): if there is one activity that doesn’t get boring, beating off is it

10/24/02
MixolAtWork [9:45 AM]: Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You’re excited to get what you’ve always deserved until you realize it amounts to $4.27 in pizza coupons.
MixolAtWork [9:46 AM]: you’re worth more than that to me

01/09/03
NVIII: I know Mixolyde personally, and if you truly value your lives, you will let him join you. He is the most
fearsome misquoter, misinterpreter, and non sequeterer of all time! And, he has some experience with jerks,
having lived with me for the six months or so, and having a younger sister who has also perfected the art.

Mixolyde (7:28:44 PM): put me in your profile!
Tigger1fic (7:30:05 PM): say something worth putting in my profile!
Mixolyde (7:32:21 PM): how about Tigger: Forgetting about tact since 1980

(11/03/04)
Tigger1fic (10:24:02 PM): Sean just said “pregnant is one thing, anybody can get a girl pregnant. But twins is . . heroic”

(4/30/05)
Mixolyde (11:41:42 AM): it’s a good time to have kids. you can totally let them get all fucked up and it’s not your fault. you can blame society, tv, movies, video games, the gov’t, black people. it’s awesome. no responsibility

(05/17/05)
Tigger1fic: you know what our microwave is missing
MixolAtWork: buritos?
Tigger1fic: besides that
MixolAtWork: eh?
Tigger1fic: an auto defrost setting for “placentas”
MixolAtWork: uhhhh
Tigger1fic: yeah thats right. we’re defrosting placentas. want to come over for dinner?
MixolAtWork: uhhhh…busy
MixolAtWork: next time?
Tigger1fic: fine fine
Tigger1fic: no placenta casserole for you
MixolAtWork: blood pudding for dessert?
MixolAtWork: i’m going to save this aim conversation and scare your children with it when they grow up

Tigger1fic (11:54:31 AM): i have to feed my screaming minions now :-(
Jon M (11:55:21 AM): just remember they will be feeding you one day

2/13/06
[22:14] Jon: btw, thanks for the snazy name of your site, now when someone looks in my bookmarks they’ll see “House of Boys”, just what a 25 year old bachelor needs in his book marks

Dreams of Kate
Kate rubbed her body in baby oil
And dreamed of days with Susie;
She sucked the juice from three lemons
And her thoughts turned back to me.
If I only had a frog, she thought
And a deep fried snickers bar,
My world would be complete
And I would go, oh! so far.
Instead she’s stuck online
Babies climbing over her feet.
She’s tried kicking them away
But her success is incomplete.
In her mind she imagines Spring
The person, not the season.
And dreams of days with Sarah
And abandoning all reason.
Oh to be like Kimberlee
Wise beneath her years,
Or eating a cake with Amanda
While her husband stares at queers.
Jana

03/01/06
[09:25] Lizard: They have these great little plain white pillows in the sexing department, so I don’t need to stuff anything myself, or try to line the knitting with fabric so the stuffing doesn’t come out

03/19/06
[11:52] My mom: I suppose it would be considered “unneighborly” to drive around, find the drummer, and shove his drumsticks up his ass.
[11:54] Tigger1fic: steal someone elses car, then they’ll never know it was you
[11:54] My mom: I admire you.
[11:54] Tigger1fic: why?
[11:55] My mom: for that intelligent thinking

07/29/06
[08:55] Mom: 294 great grandchildren???
[08:55] Tigger1fic: YES!!!
[08:55] Tigger1fic: My uterus hurts
[08:56] Mom: I would guess that they didn’t ALL come out of the same womb
[08:56] Mom: I bet none of the peckers that put those 294 in there hurt.

09/05/06
Jon (via text message): Some people drunk-dial, you drunk-buy-yarn?

12/18/06
Tigger1fic (2:09:47 PM): holy crap!!! I made it work on the first try! I’m a genious!@!#@!@
Tigger1fic (2:09:54 PM): fuck I spelled genius wrong

02/07/07
Jon (via text message): Mexican food plus a lot of coffee makes for a pretty intense bathroom break.

03/06/07
Maz:so when you gonna stop being Mrs. *my last name*
Maz: which makes me think of a naked turkey for some reason
Maz: stark naked turkey, I guess is the link there

03/13/07
[20:21] Sprink: He always bitches that I forget stuff at the store.
[20:21] Tigger1fic: Typical man.
[20:21] Tigger1fic: Kick him in the nuts and say you forgot they were there.

03/14/07
Amanda: They should really combine steak and Bj day with “talk like a pirate” day.

“Argghhhhh! Yee be squirtin’ in me eye matey.”

04/10/07
Twineriffic (10:36:59 AM): Is it wrong to be almost giddy about someone else’s misfortune that you saw coming a mile away?
MixolAtWork (11:01:00 AM): it’s not wrong, it’s german.

04/19/07 10:27 AM
Rachel: You know what’s funny about not having cum in your mouth pretty much ever?
Me: That’s gotta be the funniest sentence I have ever read. Ever.
Rachel: If you do ever do it, it means 1000x more to them

06/25/07 4:30 PM
Me: Sexual bliss indeed… is it Saturday again yet? Damnit, no nookie during the week sucks.
Bill: That’s why God made picture phones and baby oil.

06/25/07 5:37 PM
Sarah: I always thought that airbag thing was kinda stupid (our CRV has it too), sorry you are going to die in a crash Kate that totally sucks.

07/09/07 12:21 PM
Steve: If your (new) car was a manual, you might wake up in a ditch somewhere with no memory of anything before opening your eyes.

08/31/07 7:30 PM
Me: I’d hardly call one Marine an invasion. Although that does sound kinda kinky.
Mom: Marines invade. That’s what they do. Nobody thought “kinky” at Tripoli.

09/01/07 11:30 PM
(in reference to throwing the die in a game of Trivial Pursuit)
Joe: It’s my ‘leet dreidel skills!

09/15/07
[10:39] Twineriffic: brb, #2
[10:40] Mixolyde: tmi omg wtf

11/06/07
(In reference to obtaining a 500 gig hard drive from the esteemed)
Me: I’m not going to fill up the new drive with porn, but Joe did leave me a hand picked video on there. Isn’t that just the sweetest thing? No really, is it? ‘Cause I’m not sure..
Brian: Man, the technology of ‘I made you a mixed tape’ really has come a long way.

11/12/07
[12:49] Joe: almost woulda been funny to have charlie murphy jump out of the bushes moments after the crash yelling. “Shoulda bought a volvo, bitch.”

11/17/07
Dan the Man (8:06:16 PM): also, are we agreed that if she objects to being called a girl, it would be a bad idea to end the plan finalizing chat by saying “Wear something slutty, I’ll see you at 4″?

01/29/08
Kate: Now “Stinkfist” is on the radio!!
Brian: You should call Delilah and request that for your new husband who’s so far away. It would be cute.
Kate: “And remember Joe, ‘anal’ isn’t a dirty work!”
Brian: I would make a terrible late night soft rock DJ. “Going out to Melissa in Hartford: Lick It Before You Stick It.”

06/03/08
Joe (8:36:44 PM):    they changed the bus routes a couple of days ago to go to the exchange on north -side
Joe (8:36:45 PM):    and they changed it from a single bus ride from here to there to one where you have to catch other buses on their routes
Joe (8:36:45 PM):    they just changed it back today from being oooh
Joe (8:37:01 PM):    from being, from being booobs,,,
Joe (8:37:11 PM):    mmmm.


One Response to "Tidbits"

  • I’m famous! Woo!

    1 Brian said this (April 10, 2007 at 1:49 pm)