Updated Picture Post

Since it has been so soooo long since I’ve posted here, I should probably update with some pictures of my adorable & smart sons.

Joshua, 4 months

Nick & Alex at Alligator Alley in Alabama

All three boys

Joe & Josh, 3 days old.

Our 5 Year Plan

I have had friends who’ve had 5 year plans.  Graduate from college, get a career job, get married, have a baby, etc.   I guess I had a five year plan at some point, but the college part alone took 4 years and I already had babies by then and was divorced soo..  my five year plan was pretty fucked from the start.  Anywho, it all worked out in the end.

Now that Joe and I are married, I went to college and we had a baby, we’ve started talking about our five year plan.  But because Joe is in the military, it’s more like a 2 year plan because nobody knows when we’ll be moving again.  And really there’s no planning of anything because we never have any idea what we’re doing or where we’re going.  A lot of our talks go something like this:

Joe: Do you want to get a job?
Me:  I don’t know, when are we moving again?
Joe: I don’t know.  Could be two years, could be three years.
Me: Okay, well where will we move?
Joe: I don’t know.  Could be South Carolina, could be Arizona.
Me: I don’t speak spanish so how about we go to South Carolina, can we do that?
Joe:  I don’t know.

Last night we had this semi-related discussion:
Me: So what the hell am I supposed to say when someone asks me what your command is?
Joe: *insert random numbers and letters here*
Me: uuuuuuhh… what?
Joe: Just say Headquarters, Marine Corps.
Me: Like in DC?  Why don’t I just say POTUS?
Joe: That’ll work, go with that.

Then he went into a lengthy description of the unit structure of the Marine Corp vs. the Air Force and how he’s actually part of a detachment from Texas or some nonsense and I almost fell asleep leaning against the counter.  So right now, our 5 year plan is to wing it until Joe retires.  And keep our fingers crossed we go to South Carolina.

Oh and the twins got their interim reports yesterday.  Alex got 6 A’s and 1 B.  Four of those A’s were 100%!  Nick got straight A’s.  We had Papa John’s to celebrate their smartness.

I Have A Blog?

Holy crap, this is still here?

One might say I’ve “forgotten” to blog.  One might also say I’ve been busy.  I’ll go with option two.

Let’s see, since my last entry in November of 2010 I turned 30.  And by 30 I mean 22 again of course.  Then 2011 was busy; we got busy and around Valentine’s Day found out we were expecting a little bundle of joy, due around Halloween.  The twins turned 6, finished kindergarten, we went on vacation to Charleston, SC, the twins started first grade, Joe deployed very close to my due date (he made it home in time, though!), Halloween came and went, then finally we welcomed baby Joshua in November (11 days late), then there was December and all the holidays associated with it,  Joe received his new PCS orders for March of 2012, he deployed again in January, then we stressed for the next 6 weeks over the move, I spent 18 hours on the road with three kids, Joe spent 18 hours on the road with two cats, and we all arrived safely at our new home.   So I’m blogging from a new state now!  So far we are enjoying our new home in the south, the beaches are beautiful, the weather is hot  and the highways have bear crossing signs.  The twins are doing well at their new school and Josh seems to be learning at lightening speed as well.  We have a more open living room now so he’s living it up by rolling and scooting all over the place.  He is almost 5 months old now and cute as a button.

Maybe I’ll keep up with this, maybe I won’t.  We shall see.

Birthdays Suck

I’m sure I must have bitched about my birthday being a week before Christmas before, but honestly, who gets tired of bitching?  Not me, I have a vagina.

So yesterday I almost had a melt-down in front of 23 Kindergarteners. And their parents.  And my husband.  It would be mildly embarrassing except I don’t care.  Yesterday was some kind of parent-appreciation-day at the twins’ school.  So Joe and I dutifully showed up to be appreciated.  We were both sitting in Nick’s classroom helping him and his table work through some sentences (my sons can write sentences)  (sob).  They also had to write their name and the date on the top of the paper.  Nick wrote “11-17-10.”   Well actually he wrote:


but whatever.  He’s gettin’ there.  Anywho, it dawned on me that I now have one month (oh god, less than that now) before I turn an age I don’t want to be.  Sixteen was awesome because of the whole driver’s license thing.  Eighteen was cool ’cause then I could say “I’m 18, you can’t tell me what to do!”  Then 21 brought the booze, legally anyway.  Twenty-five was cool because my car insurance premiums dropped.  But after that, what do we have to look forward too?  Nada.  Getting wrinkles and saggy tits, that’s what I have to look forward to.

Plus my friends are starting to not believe I’m 22.  Bitches, all of ‘em.

Joe’s Conversations. (Don’t read this one, Mom.)

Joe likes to make up situations in his head.  Ya know, as a “wouldn’t it be funny if this happened” kinda deal.

So today I asked him if he could meet me at the clinic for an upcoming ob/gyn appointment.  He asked why and I told him that the doctor is a man and I don’t feel that comfortable with the situation and would like my husband to be there, and added “if you could look menacing, that would be great.  And wear your ribbon that says you’re excellent with your rifle.  And bring your rifle.”  He pondered this for a few minutes and then said:

“You know what would be an awesome exchange at that appointment?  If I just walk in there and say ‘which of you is going to be looking at my wife’s vagina?  You?  YOU?’ and then the doctor guy says ‘well, Staff Sgt, don’t worry, I’m a professional, I’ll be wearing rubber gloves so it’s not sexual.’  and then I get to say ‘you mean to tell me that when I wear a rubber, I’m not really fucking my wife?  Next you’ll be telling me that if I wear a bathing suit in the pool, I’m not really getting wet.’”

Another fake conversation we have joked about involves Joe’s sister.  She is a teacher at a military high school back home and is always telling Joe he should drop by her class and talk to the kids about being in the military or whatever.  I have joked that he should show up in uniform, run into the room violently, pick up the nearest desk and throw it at the kids, then proceed to get up in their faces and ask “Do you want to fuck my sister?  Which one of you wants to fuck my sister??”  Reminiscent of Full Metal Jacket.

Living with a Marine gets interesting sometimes.

P.S. Due to a ridiculous mountain of spam, you now have to log in to comment.  Deal.

A Little Rain, A Little Whine

The area I live was just dumped on by a rain “event” (that’s what the weather peeps call it) and the remnants of a tropical storm.  We topped off with over 14″ of rain between Wednesday to Friday.

Because on Thursday afternoon it was still pouring it’s ass off, I drove to the bus stop to pick up the twins.  We drove home and I rushed myself and them back into the house.  Because of the rain, I never checked that they shut the car door all the way.  Which they didn’t.  So on Saturday when the sun finally came out, I went to run the errands (mainly going to the bank) I had been putting off because of the rain.  Except my car wouldn’t start because the battery died.  And not only that, but the entire passenger side of my car was soaked and the side curtain airbag light was on, indicating a malfunction.   So after a couple tries, we got the car to start with a jump and went to have the battery checked.  Even at almost 5 years old, the battery was fine after a solid charge.   I made it to the bank with 3 minutes to spare.   It’s been raining ever since so I haven’t been able to air the car out so now it smells really, really bad.  Really bad.  Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny, so I’ll be out there with the Febreeze.  The air bag seems to have fixed itself, at least the light went out.  Hopefully I’ll never find out about that.

So to celebrate not having to buy a new battery, I bought new tires this morning.  One tire had a pretty sizable tear in it, about an inch long, that we noticed while changing the brake pads a couple months ago.  That tire started to loose air the last couple days, and rather than play the game of filling it with air twice a week, I just decided to replace them.  They were due for a change, with 55k+ miles on them.  It’s amazing what a difference in driving the new tires make.  Steering with my knee is so much easier!  Not that I do that, Mom.

Updatery Part… whatever.

Things that have happened since I last updated this page…

  • I got older
  • We had our second wedding anniversary
  • I went to New Orleans for Mazzy Maz’s 30th birthday and was lucky enough to be there when the Saints won the Superbowl (so friggin awesome!) and back home was being smothered by many feet of snow
  • Derek died
  • Kinda fuzzy for a few months
  • Joe got promoted
  • Joe got older
  • The twins turned 5
  • The twins finished preschool and we all survived
  • Joe went to career course in VA for most of the summer
  • I finished my degree and am currently waiting for my diploma to be mailed to me
  • I did a summer internship which turned into a job which I am undecided about
  • My babies started kindergarten

Six Months Ago

Six months ago today I lost one of my best friends.  I had misplaced Derek in California with one of my other best friends, April.  And then six months ago today, she called me crying.   Twelve or thirteen years ago Derek’s father barely survived an aortic aneurysm.  At least, I think that’s what it was.  We were all in high school and the man almost died because his aorta ruptured or something, I remember that much.  Anyway, the point is his Dad almost died and almost died about a million times after that over the years over the same thing.  So when April called me and through tears said “it’s Derek” I immediately thought his Dad had passed away.  But then April said “No.  It’s Derek.” and the concrete floor beneath my feet seemed to disappear very suddenly.  I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn’t catch my breath.  I couldn’t catch my breath for about a month afterward.  Nobody knew yet just what had happened, just that he had collapsed and was gone before anyone could help.  When I was less hysterical, I thought he most likely died of the same problem his father had had all these years.  But Derek was 29, this doesn’t happen to 29 year olds.  Later that week it was confirmed that yes, these things do happen to 29 year olds.  The official cause of death was an aortic dissection, or in laments terms, his aorta (the main blood vessel that goes into your heart) tore away from his heart.  The morbid side of me still wonders if he bleed to death or drown or suffocated in his own blood.  I don’t know why I wonder these things, but I do.  I think it has something to do with wanting to know if he suffered and how long it took.   Three months later, his father also passed away.

He died on a Sunday.  The next day I dragged myself out of bed and took the twins to school.  A few hours later I dragged myself back out of bed to go pick them up.  I stood in the hallway with one of the other mom’s, just the two of us in a totally silent preschool.  She said “Gosh it’s so quiet in here, it’s like a morgue.”   She didn’t know and I didn’t tell her.

The following weekend was his funeral.  It was so surreal, I still can’t believe it all happened.  We were all together again, the crew from high school, minus one.  Well actually he was there, he just wasn’t arguing with anyone or sneezing over the dog hair or laughing or driving us somewhere.  Derek was always the driver in our group.  The night before his funeral, we all gathered at Jon’s house and partied fairly hard.  We spent hours in his parents’ kitchen, just like we used to do, remembering all the crazy shit we did.  We all brought up old memories the rest of us had forgotten about.  The next day brought the funeral and a wake at our other parents’ house.  And by ‘other parents’ I mean a couple who has treated us all like their own, we gathered at their home most weekends during school.  After school we all have made it a point to visit them regularly.  When we come home for the holidays, we see them.  They are our other parents.  So they  hosted a wake for all us kids.  And we drank.  We held an international toast (one of the group was in another country at the time and couldn’t be there in person). We drank more.  There was more laughing and crying and laughing.   We played an exciting round of the dollar bet game.  How else do you say good-bye?

Our friend Jon deserves some honorable mention in all this.  Derek and April had lived together as roommates, not romantically, for about 8 or 9 years by this point.  I think.. maybe less.  I can’t remember but it was awhile.  Long enough that when she called me all I could think of was how I should go there and help her but I couldn’t leave my kids, plus I was in the middle of a semester.   So I couldn’t go and that made me feel even worse.  But Jon went.  He flew from New Orleans to Cali to be with April.  A couple days later he had to fly back to New Orleans, then home for the funeral, while April flew out as well.  Jon did what the rest of us wanted to do but couldn’t.

My sweet husband of course gets an honorable mention as well.  He did what a good husband is supposed to do, he just wrapped himself around me and didn’t let go.  To this day if I say “I was just thinking about Derek” he gives me a big hug and a kiss which is all anyone can do.  He came with me to the funeral and joined right in with the antics of my oldest and dearest friends.  He never had the chance to meet Derek but I think they would have gotten along.

This is probably the sappiest and saddest post I will ever write.  Or at least, I hope it is!  I have found in the past six months that grief is not an emotion I should bottle up with everything else or you end up crying in Borders for no apparent reason.

Regular updatery is soon to come.  I hope.

Venting about Kohls.com

Let me preface this upcoming rant with the typical placating compliment:  I do love Kohls.   I will still shop their physical stores in the future.  My shopping on their website has come to an end, however.

Two weeks ago I placed an order of winter pajamas for the twins.  Two weeks later, I have still not received them.  But let’s go back two weeks ….

After placing the order, I received a message on the order webpage that my credit card information could not be processed.  I checked my bank account and they had already put a hold on the money in my account so obviously it’s there.  What else could be the problem?  Cue annoyance level 1.  So after being on hold I got whatever random customer service rep who said there was an address mismatch.  I proceeded to tell her how this was SUPPOSED to have been straightened out the last time I placed an order, that I had corrected the address myself several times AND had someone at their customer service change it as well.  But I guess those changes have done nothing.  Cue annoyance level 2.  So I tell this girl to change my address to the one where I actually live, then I place the order.  I specifically tell the moron to ship it to the address that should now be the ONLY address in their system.  There should be only one!  Apparently there was not, because they shipped it to my old address.  Cue annoyance level 3.

Fast forward 2 weeks and cue annoyance level 5.  (Yes, I know I skipped one.)  I call kohls.com to find out where the fuck my shit is.  Don’t worry, I didn’t phrase it that way even though I really wanted to.  The first girl I got told me that I need to call the shipper and find out.   Her attitude cues annoyance level 7.  (Skipped one again!)  I then told her that since the shipper has yet to physically receive the package, I fail to see how it’s any of their responsibility.   So she gives me some line about having someone from the warehouse call me.  Cue annoyance level 7.5.

The next day I receive an email canceling my order and supposedly refunding my money (I have yet to see it.)  Cue annoyance level 9.  I call kohls.com again and tell them I don’t want the order canceled, I want it shipped to me at the CORRECT address immediately (and the original pricing, of course), as in free 2-day shipping.   I think that’s fair after they held it for 2 weeks, right?  They give me the usual “oooh well uuuhm… we uuhm… ” and eventually lament and say I’ll get an email confirmation, etc, yadda yadda.  Cue annoyance level 8.

This morning I receive an email from a customer representative saying I (me) (myself) have to place the entire order again through kohls.com, then email them the new order number so they can “fix” the charges, because of course now things are not priced the same, and they’ll ship it out with free shipping.   Cue annoyance level 10.   Now maybe I’m just being unreasonable, but why the hell should I have to re-do the entire order?  Why can’t they just slap a new shipping label on the original package and send it to me?   Or why can’t THEY put the effort into fixing THEIR mistake?  I know people make mistakes, and that’s fine, but it shouldn’t be my responsibility to place the order again so they can un-fuck it up.  Grumble.  I think I will mull this over and tackle this later today.  Right now I just want to email them back with an emphatic “Stick this order up your ass and feel free to delete my user information, I won’t be needing it anymore.”


Our awesome webmaster is doing some updates!  So in honor of website updates and the fact that I haven’t updated the old site in ooooh.. six months or so, here’s some update from us:

The twins are four and a half.
They are in school.
They LOVE school.
They got their first report cards recently (tear) and both did very well.
Nick is still anal retentive
Alex is still very “busy.”  (Which is a nice way of saying hyper-active.)
The boys now have a ton of new friends.

The husband and I are coming up on our 2 year wedding anniversary.  Oh honey… it seems like only yesterday we met..
We also have made lots of new friends.
I’m doing well in school and should graduate *eventually.*
Joe’s sister got married and we were in the wedding, it was quite awesome.
There were some other weddings over the summer too.
Now a lot of my friends are pregnant.
I am NOT pregnant.
Joe and I went to the Marine’s birthday ball and had a great time.
None of those other guys looked as good in their uniforms as Joe does in his.  Yum.
We adopted a new kitty, Mona, who is about 6 months old now.  When we adopted her, she was 4 months old and tiny.
FlapJack celebrated her 2nd birthday on November 16th.

And on a completely different update:

Joe and I are going to have a real wedding next year.  So it’s entirely possible that this could go from a twins blog to a wedding-with-twins blog.  I’ll apologize in advance.  Sorry.

So far my idea is to have a small ceremony and an awesome reception.  I’m thinking a late night ceremony, probably starting around 7, with the reception to follow.  The reception will be hors d’oeuvres, finger foods and desserts only.  I doubt we will serve a full meal.  Mainly this is just to keep costs down.  I’m trying to plan a romantic theme with lacey and classic details, candlelight and darker colors.  The colors I am looking at are navy blue and champagne; I think this will go well with red and green decorations for the season.  The idea right now is to have the ceremony on next December 17th.    I tried for December 31st, but it has proven to be difficult for our budget.